dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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