dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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