he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
