walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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