i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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