I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
