new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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