Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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