SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
