Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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