Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
