his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
