I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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