I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
