im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
