i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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