i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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