Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
