ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
