oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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