Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
