I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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