i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
