The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
