u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i permit you to call me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
