i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
