I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
