OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
