I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
