You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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