Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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