i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
