Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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