So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
