Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
