just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
