Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
