About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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