on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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