I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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