I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
