I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
two words: eviction party
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
