We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
