I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
