Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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