loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
