the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
