I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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