I'm eating all of the evidence.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
