We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
