i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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