let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
