I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
