why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize