bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Let's paint friendship bongs
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
