At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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