he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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