If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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