I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize