Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize