Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
