I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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