The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
