Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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