Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
