its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
