Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
