in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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