I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
