Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize