If that was your dad, he is hot
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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