mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
the liver wants what the liver wants
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize