man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
