so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
