I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
