Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
