Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
